"Pulp" Party!

All of Greendale is buzzing about Abed's surprise "Pulp Fiction" party, but I for one am not planning on dressing up. You may think I'm a party pooper or that I have issues with Abed, but to be honest - I just wasn't invited. I'm sure it was just an oversight on Jeff's part. Okay, let's face it, Jeff has no idea I'm alive. But I'm okay with that. I don't mind admiring from afar, especially when he's wearing that skinny-tied suit that John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson made so famous in "Pulp Fiction."

Am I the only one who doesn't get excited over "Pulp Fiction?" I expect Abed to like pretty much every aspect of popular culture, so his appreciation doesn't surprise me. But what about the rest of you? What makes "Pulp Fiction" so great? It's vulgar and violent and kind of confusing. Don't get me wrong - I love Quentin Tarantino. I thought "Inglourious Basterds" should have won Oscar gold. But for whatever reason, "Pulp Fiction" doesn't do it for me. Now if Jeff would just invite me to the party, maybe I'd change my mind...

Baby Talk

All of Greendale is buzzing with news of Shirley Bennett's pregnancy. Though I'm happy for her and for... whoever the father may be, I think it's time we discuss some etiquette when it comes to bringing your children on campus.

Now I know this isn't high school, and I'm fully aware that many GCC students may have children. But what I'm asking for is a little consideration. If you must bring your kids to school, here's a handy guide to making sure your little bundle of joy doesn't make the rest of us miserable:

1. Please don't breastfeed during class. It's distracting. And you shouldn't be topless in Biology class. Ever.

2. Don't let your children touch me. I don't think little Timmy is cute, especially after he picks his nose.

3. That leash-like contraption you've attached to your kid is creeping everyone out. Please find another way to make sure he doesn't run out into the street.

Thanks in advance for abiding by this list. With both Chang and my beloved Jeff serving prison time due to child-related drama, I think we should all do our part to make GCC the harmonious place it deserves to be once more.

Politics As Usual

I've never been a huge fan of politics. Something about the forced smiles, empty promises, and scary groupthink never really appealed to me. So when I heard we had to elect a student body president, I was pretty irritated at first. I felt there was no possible way a student body president would make any difference whatsoever in our daily lives.

But then I learned about the candidates. Jeff Winger, in particular. He's great at wordplay and he's easy on the eyes - two very important qualities of an effective leader. I personally felt his "Real World" audition tape demonstrated his sense of humor and his link to the common man. It's too bad he felt humiliated by it. I'd love to borrow it from Annie, but my role as a journalist forces me to stay totally uninvolved. I'm strictly an observer. But if anyone knows how to find that audition tape online somewhere, do let me know.

Anyway, I guess this is all a moot point now that Jeff's no longer running and the elections are off. I personally didn't have a problem with "South Park" representing the student body but I understand that the powers that be aren't always quite so forward-thinking.