The Anthropology Scandal!

This week, Shirley Bennett went into labor during Anthropology class. This however was not the only scandal that hit Mr. Duncan's class. Unnamed sources have told me some shocking news: instead of actually teaching, Mr. Duncan has been boozing and hanging out with students when he's supposed to be teaching everyone about Anthropology! The study of humanity! Is anyone else outraged?

Okay, then let me put this into perspective. If we don't have an emphasis on Anthropology in our country, students will turn into self-obsessed narcissists with no morals or values. Don't believe me? Then type in "anthro" into a Google search. The store "Anthropologie" comes up before "Anthropology!" Our students care more about fashion than culture! I blame you, Professor Duncan! For shame!

Regarding Annie's Boobs

So if any of you perverts think I'm going to be writing about Annie's chest, you can stop right now. Annie's Boobs refers to a monkey that has been wreaking havoc on the students of GCC for far too long. Just last week I noticed that my favorite pen went missing. I really, really love a good pen (yes, I know I'm strange) so I was pretty depressed. Some people like shoes or baseball cards, but for me, it's always been about office supplies.

I can't drive by an Office Depot without getting hot. Anyway, when I realized my pen was missing, naturally I went to Jeff. I know some of you may think I'd use any excuse to talk to Jeff, but in this case you'd be wrong. I was just desperate... for my pen! Not generally. Anyway, I think Jeff got the impression that I was blaming him for stealing my pen, so now I feel weird about the whole thing. Later Chang told me that he found my beloved pen in a vent (also known as Annie's Boobs' hiding place). I'm very relieved that I have my pen once more, but can we please get rid of the monkey before we lose anything else? We've already got two of Annie's boobs - do we really need a third?!

Getting an 'A' in 'Quantum Leap'

The campus is buzzing about the TV & Film Department's Course Catalog. Apparently, now you can get an "A" for knowing the quantum physics of "Quantum Leap." Heck, if you can decide if Kelly Bundy's a slut or a sexual pioneer, you can probably get extra credit, too. What a farce!

I hate to be a downer, but they're not even offering courses on the best TV shows! Bring me some "Golden Girls"! Those women were real feminists long before the shrill, manic "Sex and the City" girls came along. Truth be told, I could ace any pop quiz about either show, but instead the TV & Film Department throws me a curve ball. "Charles in Charge"? I saw five minutes of that once and didn't get the Scott Baio obsession. I mean, didn't every blonde starlet in the '80s date him at some point? If you really want to get an "A" in my book, you'll tell me how he accomplished that. I mean, if it were "Jeff in Charge" then I'd understand. Because, let's face it, I want Jeff in charge of me.